Art that Speaks to You

I want to help heal the world and maybe if you can see that I was/still am healing/healed, you’ll realize everyone has the same potential to be healed too.

There is good in everyone.

“I don’t like that person - I must get to know them.”

Maybe if we talk and walk long enough we’ll get to know one another. - Jesse Owens

Just explaining my beliefs at the time and the stories I was told – not nec the truth MY PERSONAL FUCKED-UP HEAD HAD A LOT OF MISUNDERSTANDINGS, which can be explained in a different way

So yeah overdosing was one of the best things this avatar ever did, under 18 so got take custody by a different state =, and off the commonwealth va church healthcare that was killing me

Bike stop, Greenland, bbq rice, inspector gadget, ai bear, postcard, books vol 1 2 alive, robot tripping, walk like an Egyptian (shoulder) etc

You know if someone was trying to kill us to get to some treasure they would be missing the point. B/c lunchbox remember that zebrahead song “I’m money” [not just me individual]

Building a psy 101 stairway to heaven is extremely difficult especially if mc escher is drawing it

Maybe someday us Flash forward, counting crows, clap on clap off will wake up from this dream

Its still so ridiculous God they just zoom in to one thing without seeing the bigger picture, [because they know I have my big concussion pupils] [they try to give me tunnel vision] and we’ve already explained it over and over. And most of these people don’t even know the real me. They only know the lack of security (Maslows pyramid) noises, lack of sleep, abilify crazy person that that stuff made me into. We’ve been trying to get back to our original selfs but its so hard.

So we’ve tried to explain this many times before and so here we go again. We really wanted it to be me. I really wanted that Menninger mri to be malignant. I wanted to get sick and die (like with the hiv). I wasn’t suicidial the type where you want to die right away, I was suicidal like let me get sick and die slowly over time. There’s a real psychological study where people who are suicidial become homicidal too. It’s a real thing that happens to people, its not just me. And unless you’ve experienced it for yourself its difficult to get others to understand (similar to how  unless you’ve been a POW or tortured you wouldn’t understand what happens to your mind). [shoulder and bike trauma at such a young age, my fault move to va, mom no friends, life sucks] I’ve tried to get people to understand I was craving tragedy in my life, I don’t know why I was just fucked in the head. Ive had problems since a kid wanted to be a ghost and eating paint chips for lead poisoning. Wanting the locks and magnets to inflict pain. My minds been screwed up my whole life – well I don’t think it is anymore because were an unconditional loving, forgiving bodhisattvas. Id be fine sometimes and then other times I wasn’t maybe it was bipolar or borderline personality disorder, or just not knowing what to believe because learning things like the bike and all the other misunderstandings and just not knowing if they were trying to kill me or if I was just a red herring for chris and they didn’t care about me. But despite the sleepless torture I still tried with the tobacco, olive oil, turmeric [I was a basketball player don’t eat the burnt pieces or stand in front of the microwave]. I knew the nut would work and it gives us that smell that medicine. He said it himself. So it was weird and he wasn’t following my health plan. (And there’s clearisil-pointing at nose, and shock therapy on the stairs).

Difference between fantasy and reality. When I saw in person it was shocking. Like kunta kinta video amazing race massage

And then I wanted to be the hero with the antibiotic cream (I didn’t understand why we couldn’t use it all over his body, I wasn’t thinking about fungal infections, so then I started thinking they were killing him or that he was dying in my place because of the door slamming, and so it was just a misunderstanding like all the other misunderstandings in my life). It must be bipolar or borderline personality disorder. And then I was like okay im going to Texas (after oding with a toothbrush down my throat) and they’ll download the info and send someone to save him.

i/we’ve had so many thoughts over the years not knowing what the exact truth was objectively but subjectively sometimes believing things that weren’t true and getting high and hearing different stories about what the truth was. So our thoughts went all over and we were zoomed in so much that we believed things that weren’t true. Or we’d just be going crazy and suicidal and homicidal but I cant get the average person to understand. People cant understand without experiencing it.

If youre in a crazy situation youre going to have crazy thoughts especially with a fucked up past history and everyone is telling you these stories about how all these fucked up things happened to you and you have all this misdirected energy because you didn’t realize the church’s seriousness of punishments especially to just a little kid (uti, boils on scalp, glasses). Like what a fucked up church to punish little kids, or maybe its on autopilot automatic like the movie EagleEye or MinorityReport – something like those. Who knows but whatever it is, you do it to a little kid and it really fucks them up for a long time.

Ive explained the chocolate a million times. Didn’t think it would matter bc of the selfish thought. I cant give it to him now because I had that thought but wait I cant keep it because its such a large piece and im not that selfish anymore. And besides he bought it for himself before and I had already bought it before I had the thought. Hypocritical anyways – butter, that’s enough, 7/14 pills, brush teeth plaque – theres other interpretations for these explained in other sections.

Fantasy not the same as reality.

Now were not the crazy bipolar borderline personality suicidal-homicidial paint chip eating crazy person from the past. That was another lifetime ago. Now were unconditional loving, forgiving of all people on the planet, understanding, empathetic person, bodhisattva. There’s no reason to keep attacking a past life. When were able to zoom out from our concussion and realize we had misunderstandings from all the stories we were told about who we might be and crazy things (water park) that happened to us. We cant stop and explain this past life shit every 5 minutes, its too much.

They don’t even understand how consciousness works and they criticize.

Schizophrenics -left brain activates without permission from the prefrontal cortex, the conscious part of the brain (large concussion, pupils)

All of us talk silently to ourselves, when we do the left brain consults the prefrontal cortex.

The fields generate the matter, not the other way around. In the future you might be able to roam the cosmos [your connectome resides inside a mainframe computer] on a beam of light

There is the question of central perception of unsurpassed singularity. This strange perception is called Satori and may be translated as enlightenment.

Enlightenment is an emancipation of the conscious from an illusory conception of self.

The unconscious is an unglimpsable, completeness of all subliminal psychic factors. It constitutes the entire disposition from which consciousness takes fragments from time to time. Now if consciousness is emptied as far as possible of its contents, the latter will fall into a state of unconscious.

The energy of conscious being withdrawn from the contents and transferred either to the conception of emptiness or to the koan. As the two last named must be stable, the succession of images is also abolished, and with it the energy that maintains the kinetic of the conscious. The amount of energy that is saved goes over to the unconscious.

They don’t understand consciousness or where thoughts come from and they still judge.

Huge pupils concussion

I don’t know how to get the average person to understand. I really really wanted it to be me. I was fucked in the head my whole life. I knew it was happening but I was like is it flint, Charles, or me – I was suicidal-homicidal – it’s a real psy phenomena it happens to other people. I was fucked in the head since a child bike stop, eating paint chips, locks and magnets in underwear, aol profile. I wanted hiv or cancer and to die slowly just sitting around getting high and writing poetry and getting sympathy from psychologists. It did come and go – I would be ok for a few days, a few weeks, a few months, but it was constantly on the backburner of my mind. I was craving tragedy in my life for so long bc my mind/radio waves/ star light transmitting thoughts was fucked up. I put locks and magnets in my underwear at 3-5 yrs old and tried to make it hurt – why? I didn’t know what I was doing, I masterbated at a young age and didn’t know what I was doing. My point is that I was fucked up in the head, ive been fucked up my whole life, but I could have ok non-fucked up moments, e.g. glass of water of love. It was this borderline, bipolar fucked up head that would have some okay moments. And now im an unconditional loving forgiving person.

Its just so hard to get people to understand unless they’ve experienced it. Study people in rehab and therapy – im not the only one, it’s a real phenomena. But they keep judging and attacking no matter how many times I try to explain, and it’s a past life now anyways, and where do thoughts come from, we don’t even know if its possible to have our own original thoughts. Six fags over Texas, whos in charge, separation of church and state, commonwealth, department of corrections, etc

God they still don’t understand. Heres the thing the coffee happened and we explained on previous pages like 3rd grade bear, postcard, volume 1 and 2 how do I know ur drinking coffee right now and it doesn’t matter wifi electronic healthcare, the thing is they keep adding all these other horrible thoughts w/o understanding. I was afraid of my dads frugility I had a lot of fantasies when I was younger but having them come true was different. Kunta kinta video, amazing race massage, and like even though I was upset on 16th bday cus no skateboard and got gummy worms, it wasn’t until years later that I learned about worms and eyes. I mean like I had this idea when I saw the photograph with bloody eyes, I thought it must mean something but didn’t get it til years later. I really was in ignorant bliss for so long and just had fantasies. I could hear really well in Texas but crazy beyond fantasy physical stuff started happening like the chicken and mealworms and the door slamming, I guess it was always happening with the uti and boils on scalp I was just ignorant.

You know he didn’t even run after me as I was descending downhill with training wheels off, like lets just see what happens like schrodingers cat, but are you afraid to die, death happens to everyone or does it?

Between the bike and the shoulder dislocation and pink boots im cold but cat goes sledding one more time, I had a lot of ptsd very very early in life. But its ok were understanding forgiving people, it’s not your fault anyways, red-eyed, hand raising, machines can become emotional (micha kaku book), so we just visit the far far east but don’t stay because too much machine isn’t good, need “female emotions, oxytocin, empathy.

Yeah it was interesting all the Japanese beetles were on one side of the street, and the Christmas ornament made by the methodists “the mayer family” was gingerbread men (oh no not the buttons, next stop govt station, come on man im just hungry).  Its all very interesting, amazing and crazy

Inspector gadget, odie Garfield glass hammock, concussion, separation of church and state in america, definition of commonwealth, six flags over Texas

You cant kill whats already dead

Your stomach rises when you inhale

So yeah overdosing was one of the best things this avatar ever did, under 18 so got take custody by a different state =, and off the commonwealth va church healthcare that was killing me

Oranges and nut and clearisil and olive oil aren’t that expensive and electricity and basketball and Puerto rico and cost of chest heart stop meds surgery (I got a new soul), told my boss I had knee surgery bike stop (time to read Shakespeare)

And in fort worth cat was like no just leave it on the floor

Von neuman (mMachine) catholics

STEM cells nose buggers

Start stp[ codon

Melting pot earth melting pot usa all these souls waiting to be incarnated, no need just forgive them with the violet flame put it in the flame, empathy

Proof test blood 88 custody its ok a boy and his tank avatars, u know I chose my parents before I was born catholic philipines

I’m not trying to keep bringing stuff up, but they do so then I have to counter offer. I really really really want to stop brining past stuff up but they wont so what am I supposed to do, just sit around and take it without doing anything, ive tried that and it doesn’t work. Just tell them to please leave me alone, I completely forgive everyone even the stupid church or eagle eye or minority report, I just want to move on and forget my past lives. Please and thank you.

Kunta kinta video amazing race massage, ready player one, fantasy vs reality

Suicidal-homicidal

Dominos brain scan mri disappointment benign

Moles on back not take off completely, put Neosporin on cant see

Mtv Eminem meds and mother

Radio waves where do thoughts come from, 6 flags over Texas, stick figure drawings in car, whats karma

Music theory high school girl died running

High drunk different stories about who I am where im from who my parents are

Jealous of chris black eye mom, just a red herring for him

Photograph pop, guitar wasn’t there before in closet, circle nj, both passport pictures, just a dream but jean remembers it, im not even going to go there, walnuts locost, staring at our toes after cat told him theyre the same but look in eyes like doesn’t believe

Memories or dreams insert thoughts robin Williams photo movie

Meds surgery, tv ad stop the president heart beat swollen neck lymph

Inspector gadget, robot tripping, kids say the darndest thing, let me put your hand down, corn eating, red water drinking, pain-numb, gmo eating, bike stoping

Car accident deaf, 9/11, water park, that’s enough hospitAOl

Robotic humanoid, od heroin seeking charcoal save the planet

Misunderstandings

-            Uti – stick figure drawings, pencil stealing, raysin punishment

-            Oranges – diabetic, too big need too many resources

-            Bike stop – wifi

-            Moles – vaccine booster vs protective sacks

-            Teeth – plaque to heart – biotech blood nose clot, water pipes environment, sikh

-            Tyelonol – cleanse the liver, get off commonwealth church health plan

Anemic

Bulging dog bloat stomach

18G 2 inch bones

Don’t eat burnt pieces, stand in front of microwave

Green tea powder shower, olive oil, nuts give u smell, turmeric, tobacco, following your mothers health plan ---- whos who

Poison ivy

Deviated spetum – walgreen, finish growing before treat, prefrontal lobe grows into 20s

Separation of church and state – whos in charge, department of corrections or ray sins

-            Plagues, boils on scalp

Radiowaves where do thoughts come from, stars northern and southern hemisphere, wifi, landlines, gmos

Bbq rice, we engineered you right here in Texas, put your hand down, bike stop, red water, inspector gadget, doesn’t matter, corn, gmo, comp science doctor

Speartion of church and state in US (not commonwealth)

Church or state in control or federal

Plagues to Egypt, pustules menstruation, purple top milk, gmos

Hazen pointing to nose “cancer” pustules, clearisil

Pools, ssris stairs zap

Eyeballs tv screen, download in Texas, carrots, face to face vs fantasy, antibiotic over whole body pain catheter – what is going on theyre killing him, overdose on paxil going crazy sleep and noises, October carrots

Kunta kinta amazing race massage ready player one

Suicidal-homicidal, wanted it to be me, where do thoughts come from

Red pen, reading bible with black guys

Don’t eat the burnt piece on the va zap stairs or in pool depending on religion, state, country, insurance

Burnt pieces

Stand in front of microwave

Green tea shower

Olive oil

Meds nut give u smell

Turmeric

Tobacco

Clearisil

Bbq rice 3rd world

Different stories told to me – jakes moving to Houston, radio waves 6 flags, stick figure drawing in car trip out west, Texas changing me into a different sex aggressive porn watching door slamming person android

Geronimo

Ai bear, sikh, robot tripping, inspector gadget, kids say the darndest things,

Geronimo, gmo, raysins

He saved me, bikes oranges tyelonol, gotta brush my teeth he threw up after eating the Korean dog food (that’s me), I was gonna kill myself he was brave enough to kiss and save me (comp sci doctor), blood pressure, uti, teeth, pussed toed, broken ankle, deaf car accident, he fixed me comp science

Cant give it to him now after having that thought but too selfish to keep, he bought it for himself anyways and I already had bought it, black eye jealous of chris in love with a feminist, butter, 7/14, brush teeth plaque, fantasy not reality

Plus you can have a thought and then not agree with it either right away, or in a few seconds, few minutes whatever

Bike stop, Greenland, bbq rice, let me put your hand down

They just zoom into one thing without seeing the bigger picture

All the usual misinterpretations

Uti, oranges, blood pressure, tb bump, alison nail doctor, moles, bike stop, teeth, lets get you off those meds, chicken, that’s enough, chest surgery heart stop, tylonel, moles in protective sacks, moles on back not removed all way

Thinking im just a red herring for chris they don’t care about me

Fantasy vs reality

Suicidal-homicidal

Sobriety

Where do thoughts come from 6 flags over Texas

Green truck pen

Just explaining my beliefs at the time and the stories I was told – not nec the truth